The good and bad memories of you still linger and that’s what gives me that bittersweet sting. I don’t hurt too much anymore. I don’t know if it’s because of the time I’ve had to myself or that I have accepted the fact that there is no “us” and that we may never be a couple again. Either way a large part of me wishes none of this bullshit ever happened… all the arguing, all the crying, all the harsh words exchanged and all the other shit that followed after that. I’ve been talking to a lot of people and smoking a lot of weed. That’s like therapy for me, helps take away the pain. Do I miss you? Yeah.. I miss you like crazy. But I don’t wanna fuck up your life like I fucked up before. Missing you from a distance seems better I guess. 

Just when I was about to call, my inner voice told me not to. And said, “she’s happy with him… and better off without you.” I got so much I wanna say but you’re probably not tryna hear me.. fuck. 

Today was filled with nothing but deep thought. I literally stayed in my bed thinking about all the “memories” that we had for almost a year. I fought so hard for you. I tried my possible best to make you see that I loved you passed the moon and back. As a matter of fact, now that I think about it I can’t help but laugh. I cannot believe that I let you touch my heart.. I can’t believe that I fell so deep in love with you.. I can’t believe that I let you make all of those bullshit ass promises to me, knowing damn well that you would break them all in accordance. I guess that was my fault. I should hate you with the utmost passion but It’s hard for me to hate you… I have nothing but love for you still. I think about that conversation we had last night and it just leaves me in excruciating pain because I can’t help but remember the way we used to talk and how we couldn’t bare the thought of being without each other… and how we talk now. You talked to me as if I never meant shit to you. Guess I deserved that too. I tried and fought so hard… I guess it wasn’t enough. I see how it really is so I think it’s time for me to close that chapter in my life and move on. I mean you’re happy with the guy you’re with now and I couldn’t live with myself if I even tried to fuck that up. I want nothing but the best for you guys.. goodbye.

you’re the only girl that I have ever wanted.. every other girl is tryna be you.. my momma says that I should write you letters.. but I think you’re with other dudes. take my hand.. you’ll like it, you don’t even have to call.. yes I’ve had some alcohol.. I’m sorry.. take my hand, you don’t even have to call, you’re somewhere out there after all.. you’re all I ever wanted.